Experiencing loss

Last Thursday I went to London on a one-day Bereavement Course run by CRUSE.

…..An exceptionally useful and enlightening day, and I hope that I will be able to use what I have learned for the benefit of others. But it was also of help to me I have to say. None of us go through life without some experience of painful loss….the hardest to bear is invariably the loss of a loved one, but there are lots of other things that can happen to us which bring about dramatic changes in our daily lives.
Recently, the Lincoln Branch of Norwich Union (formerly General Accident where I had started work in 1970) closed. I went over to meet former colleagues, and effectively say goodbye to them all at once! I had continued to do business, with people who had worked with me back then, for most of 37 years. Now it feels so strange to have ‘lost’ them, a kind of mini-bereavement.
People retiring, moving house, friends who go away all experience loss. Sometimes we call it by another name; such as ‘homesickness’, but there is no denying that, as with a death of someone close to us, we need enough time (and time is no measure) to come to terms with it…..a process where we may be going round a spiral, up and down, until there is a return to ‘normality’….things will never be quite the same, but we have learned to get on with life.

On the bereavement course there was an interesting variety of people, three prison officers, three crematorium workers, a solicitor, an infant school counsellor, a helpline operative for carers, and others. I was the only church worker there (I have a feeling that there were one or two ‘hidden lights’ there, though, because I could see it in their faces). The trainer often asked me for a view on issues….that was a challenge! One of the trainees raised a point about an individual who had been bereaved some months before and was clearly being far too demanding on her. I held my counsel while the others investigated further and discussed around the table. Finally, I was asked for my view. I said ‘Say to this person… "What makes you think that the whole world revolves around you?"’ …that caused great amusement. On reflection the circumstances where it would be right to say something like that are, I would suggest, quite rare. WWJD? I have since questioned myself "Did I really say that?….surely I would never say that to a bereaved person!". But I had started the day by asking God to give me the right words to say in all circumstances, so however risky the strategy I trust it must have been the right one. I should like to have been there to see the outcome....
Words can heal or hurt, encourage or undermine. To verbally go 'on the attack' is not something we should ever do lightly. Jesus did it on a number of occasions, but always to jolt people into recognising their folly (as with his friend Peter...'Get behind me satan!'Mark8v33.....but he didn't then dump Peter. On the contrary he continued to encourage and challenge him). Just occasionally we all need a sharp word of warning; 'Look out!' 'Stop there!' 'Be careful!', don't we?.....to keep us alert or to bring us back to our senses.

How about some comments?

link to CRUSE:
http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/about_bereavement.htm